…But…

(or …Yet…)

I want to change but….

I did this really well but…

Everything is great but…

When you say ‘but’ in the middle of a sentence, everything you say before the ‘but’ is discounted, think about it.. What are you saying if you say “I did [INSERT THING HERE] but [INSERT OTHER THING HERE]…

When you say but in the middle of a sentence what you are actually doing is saying that everything before the but is superseded by the thing after the but.

What it often shows is that there are two parts of you with different views about something and only one of those parts wins out leaving the other part disempowered.

People often say but after they say something positive and then follow it by something negative, dismissing the positive and then replacing it. In future say ‘and‘ instead of ‘but’, allow both parts of you to have their say and be acknowledged and when ‘and’ simply doesn’t fit, find a different way of saying what you are saying, don’t dismiss positives, don’t disempower parts of yourself that have something positive to say…

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Paradoxical Theory of Change

Aside from having an excellent name this theory is one of the most important in Gestalt and other therapies, regardless of what they choose to call it…

It basically suggests that one cannot change something unless one first becomes aware of it and accepts it as ones own, seems simple doesn’t it? Well it is really, how can I begin to change something about myself if I am not aware of it? How can I change something about myself if I do not acknowledge that it is one of my traits in the first place? I have to both become aware of and own something before I can begin to look at it more closely and find ways to alter my behaviours, etc, concerning it.

As simple as this might sound, take a moment to consider it before you dismiss it as something so blindingly obvious that everyone should be aware of it, because some people [seemingly] quite happily manage to go through their lives blissfully unaware of it, and of so many things that might improve their lives greatly… Oh, the irony… 🙂

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Good Enough

From the work of Donald Winnicott, the good enough parent allows their child to grow at its own pace, supporting when necessary. Giving the child a feeling of being gently supported rather than dropped. This allows the child to feel in control while growing into a position of autonomy at its own pace.

In the beginning the mother presents things to the child, the child does not realise that these things exist other than when he cries for them. Gradually the child comes to realise that these things do have an existence outside of him or herself and can form an understanding of the world as an objective reality, “me” and “not me”.

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Topdog vs. Underdog

The top dog is the part of a person that requires that person adheres to societies standards, similarly to introjects this required adherence is often distinguished by “shoulds”, “oughts”, “musts” etc.

The underdog is the part of the person that makes excuses about why those requirements shouldn’t be met. These excuses are self-sabotaging and often ensure that the societal requirements are never met.

Close examination of these two aspects can lead to deep insights which in turn lead to a better relationship with the environment around oneself.

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Gestalt Me?

JamesWhile reading a book a few days ago I noticed that the author Brené Brown kept mentioning her blog which is about being authentic and courageous. I also couldn’t help noticing all the little sticky tags sticking out of the side of the book, tags that I had stuck in to mark certain bits that I had found particularly interesting. Now, so far this might not sound like a great start, but I have many books on my shelves with little tags sticking out of them, many of them I haven’t ever looked at since marking them when I first read them, except a few which were used in essays or dissertations.

So, now there was an inkling of an idea in my head about the possibility of writing about things which I had once found interesting but had never looked back at. Most of the things are in books that I have read while training to become a Gestalt Therapist, a Body Process Psychotherapist or during my training to become a supervisor of therapists. I’m also studying a CBT course now, so there will be even more books with even more markers in them. I guess it would be fair to say then, that these are things which have (and will) made me more whole, or just ‘more’ than I was before. I like this because there is an essence of Gestalt in it, not only am I learning stuff but I am learning about myself.

Moving further and moving the original idea further over several days of thinking about it (and trying very hard to avoid doing it) I recalled that I always used to quote Benjamin Disraeli at the beginning of my personal journals.

The best way to become acquainted with a subject is to write a book about it. – Benjamin Disraeli

So this blog is also about learning, all those little things that I’d tagged and never looked at again, and of course there will be stuff about me, reflecting on what these things mean to me and how they change me. You see that’s what it’s all about, growing as a human, finding my true potential, making myself more whole than I was before. So it’s about me, it’s about learning, it’s about me relating to the world around me, and it’s bound to be about how I feel about those things too. Oh, and I’ll probably rant about stuff, share interesting links and post some of my photos here too from time to time, again, feel free to give constructive criticisms..

Does that sound OK or is it perhaps a bit weird? Let me know, I welcome feedback as long as it’s reasonably polite, criticisms are always welcome, alternative points of view too, using Socratic method is a really good way to learn and expand understanding so tell me what you think, I really am interested to know. Which is why I read books and put little markers in them to begin with 😉

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